that feelings

assalammualaikum *fake smile*
I'm lonely
I'm single
I was wide-open
I'm lazy
I'm tired
I'm paralyzed
I'm lame

seriously, I dont know what to do and how. I do not understand how things happen so fast
didnt have time to recover
didnt have time to to get up
didnt have time to smile
all things make me sick.
I do not know why. maybe I'm so desperate
but not authentic
If I can cut my own head. I personally would do. to lose the feeling that extinct over time gone and nobody mind because it may be that there is no value of my feelings and should not be the appriciated by guys